Uneasy The Sea of Life: Braving the Storms of Despair to the Safe Harbor of Hopes

Here I am standing frozen in my place, fading away like a passing memory, motionless and paralyzed by that storm rushing through my brain.  Regrets, doubts, concerns and only pain are pouring on the field of my mind. A moor clouded by the fog of confusion and despair, I feel myself has turned into.

Have I tried many times to break the cycle? That I did. With every wall I break, a new storm to brave, a new abyss to cross, a new maze to escape. Will it ever end? I ask. Nobody is there to respond. Consumed by that inner agony, I want to give up. I drop on to my knees, hands on my face, shedding bitter tears of defeat. Silently, I wail and wail for hours and hours waiting for the last breath to pass. For some reason that moment never comes.

I stand up hollow eyed, empty spirited, a mere shell of existence tossed randomly by an aimless wind. I gaze into myself, searching, seeking a reason to cling on to. A purpose to push me forward, those I fail to find. The deeper I dove, the huger expanses of emptiness I see. There is a vacuum needing to be filled, a gap needing to be bridged, a cross needing to be passed.

I stand here, gazing at the river of life as it flows by, the seasons pass. An urge inside me I feel, a yearning to sail through that river, conquer its currents. Yet, I am still anchored on its bank, an empty boat with no crew to sail.

Marooned on the island of helplessness and despair, yearning for that North Star to guide me out and through that river, I realize waiting for the storm to pass and hoping for the clouds to clear will lead to no life or end. I gather myself, in pain I stand up. Marking my own path to navigate, seeking a treasure to call my own. I am the captain of this ship; my own crew will I seek.

Life is a turbulent sea that I need to brave, a rough mountain that I need to climb. Breaking through the walls of this maze, I will. My own path, I will mark. A cry of war, I will shout aloud. Hear me titans for here I come. For long I have been lying there waiting. For long I have been lying there drained. The time has come to leave a mark.

Alone, I navigate the sea of life to the island of hopes and aspirations. I carve the castle and kingdom I am destined to rule. Yet, as I stand watchful over my kingdom, I still feel that emptiness inside me. I hear the dying embers crying for a spark to reignite them.  

Every torch needs a fire to shine through the darkness as every traveler needs a compass and every kingdom needs its queen. I will seek that spark to reignite my spirits, a reason to live for.

It is a gamble that I am aware of, a quest that might not be realized. Giving up, I will not nor will I let go. With every bit of hope I roam around, this light of mine I will find.  

         

The Echoes Within: Musings from the Heart of Confusion and Disappoint...

The Echoes Within: Musings from the Heart of Confusion and Disappoint...: "Have you ever wondered why life has to be so complicated and suffocating with all of its rules and regulations? Why it has to be so confusin..."

Musings from the Heart of Confusion and Disappointment

Have you ever wondered why life has to be so complicated and suffocating with all of its rules and regulations? Why it has to be so confusing each time it takes the wrong turn after we have done our best and tied all the loose ends? To be honest with you, I really don’t have an answer to those questions that I am posing in front you. I am just surprised and greatly confused while I am trying to make sense of the way things go on.

You can really tell that I have missed the 9 o’clock shuttle to cloud 9 from this post, however; I’d like to think that I am not the only one who was passed over by this shuttle despite the peachy appearance that everyone puts on their face and their insistence to keep on trucking as if life has been their faithful friend who never backstabbed them in their back. I am not trying to portray myself as victim here of this sordid reality but I am really fed up with how things are, whether it was on the professional side or the personal side of life. In certain moments, I wish that I am being controlled by my animalistic instincts then I will be feeling free from all of the expectations and norms that are weaved by a community of vacant decorum and a schizophrenic identity.

After reflecting on the idea of animals and their instincts, I am beginning to embrace the idea that animals are the only creatures roaming this world which managed to retain their true innocence and honesty towards their kind and those who are not, unlike us human beings who are inclined to shed fragments of our innocence and honesty in order to achieve our so called goals and ambitions. If you seem to disagree with this idea, tell me, have you have ever seen a bird of prey patting the back of a poor rabbit and smiling in its face before snatching it from nowhere when it is least expected? I am sure that your answer will be no and if it was a yes, then allow me to say that you must be living in the fantasy world of Lewis Carol’s Alice in the Wonderland.

Why do humanity tends to do this, aren’t we supposed to be a group of intellectual beings who live by a common code of ethics that guarantees the welfare of all? Why are we such huge fans of baring malice to all and crushing everyone in order to achieve any of our aims and goals? Sometimes, I really wonder if we are capable of fair play at all. Why are we being more and more barbaric in our behavior with each other as we move further in life instead of being more intellectual and civilized? I really wonder does it really worth crushing and backstabbing everyone for the sake of success? And I wonder…..?

A Fairwell Letter

This was the farewell letter that i have written on my last day at my previous employer's company, i would like to point out that i have removed the name of my previous workplace due to confidentiality reasons. Have a good reading.

Dear All,

First and foremost, i would like to apologize for not sending you this letter earlier but allow me to apply the saying "Better late than never" this time.

As most of you know that i have been working with the company for the period of two and a half years. For some people, this period of time is amount to nothing and its just a reflection of a simple numeric amount. But if we take a further look and delve deeper below the shell of this figure towards the core of it, one will be aware of the fact that this limited period of time has lots value that is greater than the longest imaginable period and this can be simply resorted to the great experiences gained, relationships established and the friendships that have been forged. I can tell you that the value of those three combined is equal to the most valuable treasures in the world.

The period i have spent working here was a roller coaster ride, with all the meaning that this expression carries, it was a fairly enjoyable one. I would like to say that i was lucky enough to have gained the three most valuable elements any body can have through this ride that lasted for two and a half years. I have had the opportunity to meet an extremely wonderful, colorful, profound group of people whom i have shared a of cup of merriment, a handful of joy, and a pinch of sadness and to that i am grateful. Furthermore, I would like to say that all of you guys had a role in my personal growth and development, there are a millions of things that we can learn within such a seemingly limited period of time, no matter how limited or deep our contact was. To that I am filled with appreciation. I was very fortunate in finding in some of you a resort in times of great stress and pressure as well as in times of desperate need, I am really thankful for knowing each and everyone of you; thank you for being of great support for me and for being there whenever I needed you, you were the hand that broke my fall every time. I must have been very fortunate to have you there for me.

Finally, I would like to say that every single one of you is greatly talented and special in numerous ways, all of you are super stars and the company is lucky to have you in it. Trust your potential and talent, always remember they are a gift from God and He does not give anything that is flawed. Keep your chin up and don't let anything defeat and break you nor let anyone undermine you and cause you to doubt yourself and abilities. Do let go of everything that puts you down and don't think about it even if it was a very important component of what you do; it will only act as 1000000 tons of weight that will drag you down to the deepest end of an ocean called depression. Always remember, that you are doing your best and you are capable of doing wonders with that - your own Taj Mahal or pyramids of Egypt. Don't beat yourself up too hard by any chance if anyone on earth was not satisfied with what you have done and spent a lot of effort and time doing it. Always aim to reach the highest peak of the mountain and don't let any hardship crash and burn you, rise up like a phoenix and beat it. Don't let the fact that God has something that is extremely great in store for you escape your mind or sight, be patient and don't rush; all in good time my friends. The most important thing is to keep that spark or spirit ignited, do whatever you do but not let it fade away, shelter and nurture it. Take some time for yourself, stop and take deep refreshing breath and do what ever you like for even the smallest period of time it will sure rejuvenate you.

I am really sorry if i have harmed or hurt anyone of you in any way since i am aware of the fact that i did not put you all through milk and honey, please accept my apologies

Thank you all, you are the best bunch of friends and colleagues that anyone can have and for all of the wannabe fathers, mothers, husbands and wives congratulations and wish you and your loved ones the utmost best in your lives.

A Rainy Morning

There he stood at the bus stop waiting for the early bus to get to work. There he said to himself: “Those were a good 15 minutes that I could never get back!” He then drifted into his imagination forgetting the pouring rain that has been soaking him, painting a picture of his boss reacting to his story; keeping in his mind he has passed his deadline to hand in a presentation that he has been working on. No matter what the scenario that he played, all the waters of the river poured in one lake, termination.

The Bus finally came after 15 minutes of waiting in the raging ,desolate ,stormy city road under the pouring rain that seemed to him an eternity spent at hell. Reluctantly, he raised one foot at a time on the bus step; his feet were a pile of heavy steal that could be barely moved. With his head down, sunken deep in this vortex of antagonizing despair he gets in to the bus. Glancing around to find an empty seat to place his lifeless body in, he could not find any. All the seats were full; they were occupied with empty, lifeless and faceless people. There he took his place standing at the cold corner of the bus’s end.

“I am dead, l will lose my job”, that was everything that has been going through his mind. Nothing could ever change his broken state of mind, absolutely nothing. But it seemed that the weather has suddenly changed, he felt the smooth touch of the sun rays going through his face. The sky has never been clearer or bluer. He felt his heart beat again, the sound of his heart beating; the warmth of the pulsating blood rushing in his veins has brought him back to life. Yet he was the only one onboard who could feel those magical sensations.

All of that has happened when she came in to the bus, with her pretty smile drawn on her sweet face in the shiniest hue of rose and her fair gleaming face that looked like the moon in a calm, serene summer’s night. The rain drops dripping from her light brown hair were as the soft drops of dew on the petals of a divine daisy from the Garden of Eden. It felt as if the sun with its majestical warmth has been dragged into this once cold and dreary bus. To him she was the most beautiful painting in the whole wide world whose artistry has surpassed all those great works of art.

Now it was spring, he was in this enchanted courtyard where no one was there except the two. There she was standing, clothed in a pure white dress in the middle of the heavenly garden. Everything that had been going through his mind about his job and that presentation has mystically vanished. The eternal cold and monstrous forest where he had exiled himself to has turned into a fairytale garden.

However, he was aware of the fact that he has to get back to reality. Moving away from that garden, away from that angel. Full of the warmth of life, a divine peace of mind he steps down form the bus. On his way to the office, his eyes spotted an unusual graffiti painted on a nearby wall quoting a verse written by John Keats that said “A thing of beauty is a joy forever”. Upon reading that simple yet meaningful verse which carried a message that a thousand poets have failed to capture, a true genuine smile of joy and appreciation has found its place on his face. And there he went in.